It hurts....

It does hurts when you are blamed. It's still hurting me, my heart is crying and tears are rolling down. There should be some reasons for my tears. Why don't you understand it dear. You are my best friend, we were near to our hearts sometime in our life. I know time has changed, its been years that I am not with you but my feelings are not changed. And please I am not changed. "Ya you are changed just as everyone, you are not my Smita sorry but thats the truth". The very first sentence that she used during our conversation after a long time. She claimed me that she was naked to me, then what about me dear was I not naked to you? Don't you know every aspect of my life, my past and my present. But can't you feel me dear, why can't you. At least I do remember our past, our friendship and think about you. But how could you blame me like this.... her anxiety went up, she was upset with me, I felt I had done great mistake in my life... but still I am not able to find my fault... I did everything that used to make her happy. Nothing helped.. in addition to harsh words I was showered with more words that she claims to be truth... but they are not .....at least not for me. 

"You are my friend to whom I entrusted my everything, you broke my trust Smita, you broke my trust, you broke it, you broke my friendship. It is means or not anything now, but you make me something that I was not, you hurt me and I just laughed... I laughed with you... I just do that. Everyone has right to hurt me and you are among them. It was my feelings that was crushed... my friendship to you that u crushed.... why Smita? Do you want me to burn myself ? My friendship never meant to you, I was a faggot, I was just a fun time for you who make you awake.... I never was your friend... I know it all.. I know it... you were all I had Smita.. you were all that to whom I spoke myself to and you did this to me... you did it knowingly..."

Such a harsh words from her.. I had never expected to hear.. but I heard, it hurt me so bad... I cried and cried and nobody listened not even you dear. Still I can see love in your words. Those are not your words... it's not you dear... please take your words back and forgive me if I had hurt you unintentionally. I can't handle these words... I can't.. please I can't... oh my god this is not right..... it hurts me... you mean to say that I don't have any emotions... I don't have a heart to feel the truth... I don't respect the true friendship between you and me... please dear don't do this to me........

I want you to be happy... I don't want you to burn... do not want you to be hopeless....Only thing I do is I do care for you... I think about you ... I do love you... but can't express it... you are my best friend, please dear I didn't used you, you were there to share the feelings not for the fun, you are always my friend you know that from your inner heart. 
Sorry.... 
Aanshu (April 1st 2011)