There's a saying that when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Yet, in the context of our child's life, it feels like life never handed us lemons, making it difficult to find any silver lining. Despite the challenges, we hold onto hope and faith, believing that a miracle may happen one day.
On April 30th, 2020, our little Asmi came into the world, but she faced an uphill battle. Born at just 18 weeks, she didn't have a heartbeat. The preceding 18 weeks were a rollercoaster of emotions – anxiety, excitement, and dreams. A bleeding episode around the 8th week introduced worry, but the pregnancy seemed to progress well until the 16th week.
On April 11th, another heavy bleeding episode struck, prompting fear for Asmi's well-being. A call to the physician's office advised waiting until Monday, but the persistence of cramps and bleeding led us to the ER. Placenta previa was diagnosed, introducing another term for us to research. Blogs provided valuable insights as we navigated this challenging time.
The bleeding began to subside, offering a brief respite. A follow-up ultrasound confirmed placenta previa, providing relief that it posed no risk to the baby. However, on April 22nd, another episode of bleeding occurred, prompting a call to the physician's office. In the workplace the next day, a large clot and subsequent bleeding led to tears and a call to Ananta. The guilt of not giving 100% at work weighed heavily on me during this challenging time.
The bleeding persisted for a week, with a visit to the ER on April 26th revealing a clot in the cervix, though doctors were not overly concerned. Despite this, on April 27th, feeling unwell with cramps and a low-grade fever, anxiety set in. The next day, I felt better, but around 1 pm, a sensation of leaking and soaking my pad occurred. Ananta called the doctor's office, leading to a clinic visit. The revelation of amniotic fluid brought heartbreak, and I was wheeled upstairs for an ultrasound. Asmi was struggling, and the heartbreaking decision loomed – her survival without amniotic fluid was uncertain.
During this turmoil, heavy bleeding occurred, prompting Ananta to call for help. The situation escalated, leading to an ambulance ride to the hospital. Upon arrival, it became clear that we had lost Asmi. The delivery was fraught with risk due to severe blood loss, and an emergency surgery was necessary. Stabilized after surgery and blood transfusions, we faced the painful decision of what to do with Asmi.
Unable to see her or her body, her soul remains in our hearts. Asmi is at peace, free from pain and expectations. Though she left too soon, she will always be cherished and loved by Mom and Dad.
