From the bottom of my heart, a lingering question persists – why? We triumphed over the war of infertility, a journey often described as a roller coaster, but for me, it was more like a series of rough rides with no moments of exhilaration. I find myself asking, why us? This questioning began long before the idea of marriage or having children entered my mind. Witnessing my parents navigate challenges in raising us three siblings, I initially resisted the traditional path of marriage and motherhood.
However, life and love had different plans. Falling deeply in love, my perspective shifted. I embraced the idea of marriage and envisioned having children before turning 30. Following the plan, we married when I was 24, and by 26, we seriously considered starting a family. Three years into marriage, the reality was not as simple as we hoped. Concerns led us to seek advice from fertility physicians, where my first question echoed - why the struggle to conceive?
Countless blood tests, ultrasounds, and MRIs ensued, and I continually wondered why I, as the wife, was the sole recipient of these invasive procedures. Though explanations existed, I remained unsatisfied. After two rounds of Clomid and IUI yielded no success, we faced the daunting prospect of IVF. Entering this war against infertility, I questioned why I had to endure the daily barrage of hormone shots, medications, mood swings, and anxiety. The first round of IVF ended in disappointment as genetic testing revealed no positive results. The second round brought a glimmer of hope with one normal embryo.
Upon becoming pregnant, disbelief mingled with joy, but the elation was short-lived. A follow-up ultrasound shattered our happiness as the news of a miscarriage unfolded. Why did I have to be part of the 4% statistic? The reason behind the miscarriage remains unknown, and it was a challenging time for everyone involved. Despite the internal turmoil, strength emerged, allowing me to navigate the pain and resist discussing the ordeal with others.
The loss, although difficult, felt like a mere trailer for what was to come. Another round of IVF followed, marked by changes in medications and heightened discomfort. Everything revolved around the shots, pills, and the anticipation of potential success. This time, the outcome was more promising – four genetically normal embryos, providing us with renewed chances of achieving a successful pregnancy. The journey may be arduous, but the hope persists, along with the unspoken question – why?
